After being shut outside for humping the children, I managed, somehow, despite my obvious shortcomings, to get myself on top of the outdoor table.

There I found the chicken that was defrosting for dinner.
So I ate it.
All.
Including some of the plastic bag it was in.
The chicken still being frozen made it quite difficult.
But I persevered.

Once I was caught and chastised severely, I came inside and grew very quiet.
I sat still for a long time and thought about my behaviour.
Then I got up and walked swiftly to Mothers bedroom to vomit the frozen chicken I had just devoured under her bed.
Then I ate it.
All.
Again.

I now lay prone on the couch, unable to move.

I feel no remorse.

I am a bad dog.