‘Who is the Queen?’
‘What is her name?’
I tell her.
‘Elizabeth! Like your middle name, Mama! What’s her last name?’
I see where this is going.
‘…Does the Queen have a fanny or a vagina?’
Which is a good question, really. But I explain, as best as I can, to someone who refuses acknowledge the proper terminology. (‘I JUST HAVE HEAPS OF FANNIES!’ she roars when the subject is anatomically discussed)
‘Yes. I KNOW. But what does the Queen call her one? …I’ll ask her. Where does she live?’
‘Why doesn’t she live in New Zealand?’
‘Can we go to her house?’
‘Well I’m going to!’
Dear Mabel Poppy,
When you were 3 years old, you were hell-bent on going to Buckingham Palace to ask Queen Elizabeth how she refers to her bits.
Please, never stop asking the hard questions. Your sense of fearless equality is something this world needs a little more of.
With adoration and allegiance,
Your Mother x
Mabel: Mama, have you seen my skirt?
Alice: Which skirt, baby?
Mabel: My skirt! The one I like!
Alice: Hmm…what colour is it?
Mabel: Yes! It’s colourful and it has a top and a bottom!
Alice: Colourful. Has a top and a bottom. Can you tell me anything else about it?
Mabel: It looks like a lily!
Alice: Colourful. Has a top and a bottom. And it looks like a lily? Oh! colourful has a top and a bottom and it looks like a lily!
Mabel: Yes, mama. Why was that so hard for you?
(She doesn’t like photos at the moment – so you’ll have to use your imagination…it’s an old one from Rock Your Baby. They still show up on Ebay sometimes x)
Mabel: Mama, you’re my favourite. You’re my favourite because you get the spiders out of their webs so they don’t scare me.
“How do you want to play this game?”, I ask her.
And she replies:
Theo: Happy Birthday to you. Happy Birthday to you…
Mabel: WHERE’S MY PRESENT?
Theo: …The people are your present, Mae. The people at your birthday.
Mabel: Yeah, but where’s my present?
I’ve put socks on Mae; stripes of silver, pink and purple.
‘Now, if I can’t find your jellies Mae, you’ll have to wear your crocs.’
And she says to me:
‘My crocs don’t go with these’.
Mabel: I can’t have sugar because it makes me bossy.