Theo: ‘Mama, do dogs wipe their bottoms with their tails?’
Category Archives: …What did you just say?
It’s only funny until someone loses an eye.
Theo: “Guess what’s in my belly button!”
Alice: “…is this a trick question?”
Theo: “A train and a lollipop and another train!”
Alice: “That’s amazing, Bubba. I should sell you to the Circus.
Theo: “…Why?”
Alice: “Because of all the things you can fit in your belly button!”
Theo: “…I don’t want you to sell me to the Circus”
Alice: “Sorry, darling. I was just tricking”
Theo: “…Why are you tricking me, Mama?”
Alice: “I was just being silly, darling”
Theo: “Well, don’t.”
Portrait of the Author as a Mother.
Theo: “Mama, I am 3. How old are you?”
Alice: “Yes; you are, and Mae-Mae is 2. How old do you think I am?”
Theo: “I don’t know…”
Alice: “Ever tactful, darling. Have a guess. Do you think I am old or young?”
Theo: “Let me check…”
(Results are in: I am ‘old-young’. Paring down my skin-care routine to moisturising, fretting and 1000 kisses a day seems to be paying dividends)
Flora & Fauna.
Theo: “I need to grow you into a plant!”
Mabel: “Why?”
Theo: “You’d be lovely as a plant.”
Mabel: “No! Mae-Mae’s a girl!”
Theo: “Yes, you have a vagina…Mama, do plants have fannies?”
…No.
“Mae-Mae stomp the Bee’s?”
“Mae-Mae give Mama a bash?”
“Mae-Mae smash the window with this?”
“I’d like a box of beer, pwease.”
Takin’ Care of Business #2.
Mabel has egg shell stuck to her bottom. (You know how it is.)
Mabel: “I’ve got a poo egg!”
Theo: “I will help you!”
Mabel: “No! Don’t touch my bottom egg! Mama! Do it!”
Alice: “Certianly, darling. It’s the role I was born to play”.
Takin’ Care of Business.
Theo: “Mama, where is my poo?”
Alice: “…is this a trick question?”
Theo: “It’s in my bottom! I need to eat some more so the food will push the poo out. Can I have a chicken sandwich?”
We Make: Robots.
Theo: “You’ve got to tingle his twister, Mama. It’s what makes him go!”
Alice: “…Sounds like a lot of fellers I know, Bubba.”
Theo: “His name is Long Arms! He plays his robot radio show and bakes robot cakes which he cuts with a knife in his hand! Then he answers his email and says blah blah blah…”
Seriously, I think I may have gone on a date with this guy?
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