Children are noisy. You will get used to it. Your life will become an endless cacophony of questions and weeping. Not all of the weeping will be yours.

You will learn to tell the difference between every cry. You will know when to come running to their aid and when to hide in the broom closet until they sort it out amongst themselves. You will learn the difference between every laugh. You will know when their amusement is at the expense of each other or at the expense of your pets dignity. You will be able to tell what chair has been dragged where and for what dastardly means even if you are at the washing line and they are inside. Such is the super-human hearing that comes with parenthood.

So when you hear a noise you do not recognise, it is seldom that you will be pleased with what you discover upon its investigation. Especially if it is coupled with maniacal laughter.

A box of records being thrown down the front steps! What a surprise! Oh, children, what ever will you think of next?

Nevermind. I don’t want to know.